January 9, 2015


I'm writing this post a day early since I'll be on my way to the hospital in about 10 hours. Even after pre-op and registering at the hospital, it hasn't totally hit me that we're about to have a baby!

I've been on the verge of tears after a good crying session during pre-op when I learned that even if L wasn't sick, she wouldn't be allowed to hold or meet her brother at the hospital. She can only look at him through the window. My heart is broken and we haven't told her the news yet. She's still under the weather but the medicine her pediatrician recommended seems to be working. I am so bummed. I can't quite let go of the idea that there won't be any of those "first days" photos with her. Her brother won't give her the gift we picked out. She won't hold him in the hospital chair like I promised. She's so excited to see him and it just won't play out the way we planned. To say my heart is broken is actually an understatement.

But, these things happen and it turns out having a baby during a horrible flu season in the winter just isn't the best. So, we're praying everything else goes smoothly, that surgery will go well and we get discharged as soon as possible.

Other than that news, our week was good. We did a little cleaning but mostly we enjoyed each other. There was dressing up and putting away the tons of birthday presents she received. There were sleepless nights and cleaning up vomit mixed in with beach adventures, playing games and snuggling on the sofa.

In a way, it's not quite how I pictured our last week as a family of three to go. But in another way, when you're planning the exact day of something this big, it's easy to focus on routine things that need to get done and crossing off to-dos instead of letting life flow.

Either way, this is our last night. I'm trying to enjoy it without letting my nerves (and hormones!) overcome me. I'm sure by tomorrow I'll have a whole rush of other emotions taking over but for now I just want to focus on our girl...

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